Squeeze me

A few years ago I volunteered to be embedded as a civilian in a squad of Marines. My job was to act as a scientific advisor for such things as optimal antennae placement, observation tower placement, and predicting when/where IEDs were expected. Spent a few weeks in Ft. Benning being inoculated and indoctrinated, filling out wills (a rude slap of reality for my wife and kids), being armored up, and reviewing various  implements of destruction. My wife bought me a concertina to annoy the hapless crew who were supporting me.  Unfortunately, I had broken my thumb so many times that the air valve button was beyond my reach and it severely hampered my promising career. After trying tongue depressors and duct tape and various other items, I made a hinge that extended the reach of my thumb.  Now, if only Lawerence Welk would come back in style ...